Chronicles of a Bean: The Life of Edward Elric
by Pyro-chan623
Summary: A series of events that have agrivated andor confused Ed in his life time. Based on a true story of ChibiMonkey13, an author who writes way better than I do.


Disclaimer: I do not own anything of FMA

These events are based on things that happened to my fic writing mentor Chibi Monkey13. They were quite funny so I rewrote them into what I like to call Edo-situations. please read and review! and enjoy of course

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**Chronicles of a Bean: the life of Edward Elric**

**Monday 9:08 am. at Eastern Military HQ:** Edward Elric was laying peacefully in the breakroom of East HQ when a drop of water hit him in the face. After five minutes of screaming "what the hell?" he noticed that there was a leak in the ceiling and went to fetch a step ladder to fix it. on his way back from the storage closet, with step ladder in hand, he passed by Colonel Roy Mustang. "now Ed, if you needed help reaching the top of the refrigerator, you could have asked" he mocked. Ed directed a glare towards the pompus Colonel. As he watched him walk away he angrily grumbled "I am not short."

**Monday 2:59 pm. in the hallway of East HQ:** Edward lay in the middle of the hallway outside of the bathroom with a passive look on his face as he stared at the ceiling. Roy, on his way to General Hakuro's office with paperwork, stopped in confusion at the small Alchemist sprawled out amongst the hallway floor "What the hell are you doing?" he questioned. Ed, with his wide golden eyes still fixated on the ceiling, simply answered "I'm waiting for the bathroom". Roy stood there with a puzzled look on his face "well who's in there now?" he asked, hoping for once in his life to get a normal answer. Not a chance, a loud yell was heard from the bathroom from what sounded like Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes "Ed! where's my curling iron!". Roy stood there, arms full of papers with a blank face "well, that's something you don't see everyday". Edward never got to use the bathroom that day, and wet his favorite leather pants.

**Tuesday 5:00 pm in Colonel Roy Mustang's office:** Roy mustang was sitting contently in his office rocking his big spinning chair back and forth, he was in a good mood today. Suddenly the phone rang and colonel mustang, seeing as it is his office, had to answer it. He picked up the receiver and it was Winry on the other line. "oh hello Winry...no he's sleeping in the breakroom...yes I know that it's five in the afternoon...do you want me to wake him up?...ok hold on". Roy walks out of his office with the phone and walks down the hallway untill he comes to a door that says "Break Room" on a gold plated label. He kicked open said door and awoke a, untill now, peacfully sleeping Edward Elric and chucked the three pound plastic coated phone reciever at his head yelling "You're short get up!". Needless to say Ed was nursing a rather large bump for the rest of the day.

**Wednesday 3:30 pm. the Elric household in Risembool:** A certain 5 foot 3 short tempered alchemist named Edward was minding his own buisness, Quite content rolling his little red marble back and forth between his hands on the counter top. As he was playing his own contribed version of pong, his younger brother Alphonse Elric burst in through the front door, thus making Ed lose his shiney red marble out of shock of entry. Alphonse skipped happily up to his older brother and shouted "Brother guess what!" Ed sat there, still quite sad overthe loss of his precious shiney red marble " what Al" he replied sullenly "My friend is 4'8!" Al said excitedly. Ed sat there with a blank look on his face and replied "...and?" Alphonse jumped up and down and shouted "I finally found someone shorter than you!" Ed sat there both manically depressed and aggrivated "I hate you all so much" poor Ed, he just wanted to play with his marble.

**Thursday 12:00 am in the Elric household**: Once again Ed was sleeping peacefully and was subconciously hoping that this would be one of the days when he would not be distubed from his slumber. Unfortunatly for Ed, this wasn't one of those days. The phone rang to Edward's utter distain, and he fell out of bed, on to the glazed wooden floor and picked up the reciever. Winry was once again the cause of Ed's rude awakaning via the phone and decided to speak in an annoyingly high pitched sing songy voice " Ooooh Ed wake up because it's noon and you are sleeping and I am bored and Den woke me up at 8 so I'm waking you up at noon cause that's your morning cause all you do its sleep and you're probably sleeping right now and why aren't you talking!". After that long introduction  
to the morning Edward rubbed his eyes and groggily replied "Who the Frigg are you and why am I up?". Winry simply shouted "Because you love me!" Ed was starting to get aggrivated so he decided to end the conversation "I'm hanging up". Winry was mad at Ed's lazyness "You're short!" she yelled through the phone. "ok now i'm up and i'm angry" wow, this was just not Ed's day was it.

**Friday 4:03 pm in the break room of East HQ**: Once again we find Edward in the break room lounging on the couch, but his relaxation will not last long, but you knew that right? Roy mustang strolled into the room and stared at Ed as if he was analyzing him. After about three hours Ed started to wonder why mustang was staring at him so intently "what do you want?" Roy just continued to stare and then said a simple "short". Ed replied by chucking a pillow at the colonel's head as he walked out and yelled "shut up!"

**conclusion**: Ed's Life Sucks bigtime

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well I hope you enjoyed my re-done version BETTER THAN THE FIRST chronicles of a bean. If you have some suggestions of what other character I should chronicle feel free to let me know 


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